Aries: To err is human. To blame mistakes on anyone but yourself is Aries.
Lucky Show: The Dreebs @ Deep Thoughts
Taurus: Peer pressure as an adult is filling your shopping cart with healthy cereals, fresh vegetables, and bulk discount seltzers (but hiding the Ho-Ho’s underneath).
Lucky Show: Bad History Month @ Christian Herter Park
Gemini: If a Gemini weighed themselves before and after they defecate, we would all be able to finally determine how full of shit they can be.
Lucky Show: Tonstartssbandht @ Deep Thoughts
Cancer: At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to stay, and those who want to leave (Cancer). Problem is, they’re usually carpooling together.
Lucky Show: otay:onii @ Hardcore Stadium
Leo: You only have two minutes to live, but every time you breathe you reset your doomsday clock.
Lucky Show: Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks @ Sinclair
Virgo: If you have sex with a virgin while somehow positioned on a wheelchair you could potentially pop a cherry, a boner, and a wheelie at the same time.
Lucky Show: Banny Grove @ Deep Thoughts
Libra: A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone you know, and the worst version is in the mind of your dental hygienist.
Lucky Show: Lonnie Holley Quartet @ First Parish Cambridge
Scorpio: You’re not worthless! You can sell one of your kidneys RIGHT NOW and buy a car.
Lucky Show: Gobbinjr @ Elks Lodge
Sagittarius: Horniness is just your body trying to clickbait you into having children. Your chosen method of birth control is basically an adblocker.
Lucky Show: Hit Bargain @ O’Brien’s
Aquarius: If you ‘ghost’ someone while traveling abroad this summer, you should feel bad, but you should also feel impressed that your fear of commitment knows no borders.
Lucky Show: Middleditch & Schwartz @ the Wilbur
Capricorn: If you want to feel more masc about your affections for romantic movies, think of them as hardcore porn for your heart.
Lucky Show: Kath Bloom @ Streetcar
Pisces: It’s important to be able to look back on your past behavior and cringe a little bit, or a lot; it’s one of the only quantifiable ways to show how much you’ve grown.
Lucky Show: Havelli (Sara from Saralee!) @ Deep Thoughts