via The Lankville Daily News
President Pondicherry last night thanked all the “dumb bumpkins” who helped him win election in 2016.
“I love Lankville and I really love the untaught hill bumpkins who voted for me,” Pondicherry noted, at a small rally that was twice interrupted by fire. “I’m personally proud of all the wandering brainless feeble-minded clods who came down out of the hills and made their presence felt.”
“God bless Lankville,” the President noted after a strange, nigh-supernal pause.
It is unclear exactly how many bumpkins voted for Pondicherry in the general election.
“Well, only about 50 people voted anyway,” said political analyst Brock Belvedere, Jr. “I think it would be safe to say that there were some bumpkins in that group. Provided they could find their way out of the hills, of course.”
Pondicherry reminded rally attendees that he would soon be making Lankville great again, forever.
“We’re building the pyramids as we speak,” the President noted. “They’re big pyramids. You can fit a lot of people in there.”
Pondicherry wandered off unattended and the interview was ended prematurely.