Aries

Aries could be voted, “Most likely to take two weeks to friend you back on Instagram in order to seem elusive.”

Lucky Show: Willie Lane @ Deep Thoughts JP

Taurus

Taurus could be voted, “Most likely to poison an ex from eight months ago.”

Lucky Show: Ghost Ship Relief @ Out of the Blue Too

Gemini

Gemini is certified to teach National Tragedy Yoga: the wealthy/white/western practice of stretching and contorting every humanitarian crisis to be about one’s self.

Lucky Show: Steve Gunn & Lee Ranaldo @ Arts at the Amory

Cancer

If you’re mean to Cancer they will most likely scroll your lame narcissistic facebook chanting “What An Ass Hole.”

Lucky Show: Bong Massagers @ ZuZu

Leo

Leo could be voted, “Most likely to have a digital subscription to The NY Times Crosswords.”

Lucky Show: If Not I Than Who Then @ Deep Thoughts JP

Virgo

Virgo are often accused of playing games, butt in actuality they just don’t find you exceptionally attractive and hate being alone.

Lucky Show: Birthing Hips @ Middle East

Libra

Libra could be voted, “Most likely to vote for the separation of pizza and bagels.”

Lucky Show: Suffer On Acid @ Hardcore Stadium

Scorpio

Scorpio could be voted, “Most likely to force you to tell them that you love them when you’re trying to break up with them over the phone.”

Lucky Show: Gamma Pope @ Democracy Center

Sagittarius

Sagittarius takes a poop, almost breaks the terlet, looks at their abdomen in the mirror and whispers, “I think you have more.”

Lucky Show: The So So Glos @ Great Scott

Capricorn

Capricorn could be voted, “Most likely to touch the artwork after you’ve asked them not to.”

Lucky Show: Dyr Faser @ Deep Thoughts JP

Aquarius

Aquarius could be voted, “Most likely to Google, ‘How much should I tip for raccoon wrangling?'”

Lucky Show: Nightime Gallagher @ Middle East

Pisces

Pisces could be voted, “Least likely to catch something after being told to think fast.”

Lucky Show: Thee Cavemyn @ O’Brien’s