“St. Patrick’s Church”

by Erin McDonald

communion never left me feeling whole

or forgiven but instead left me with the warm

taste of sweet red wine that stained my white

teeth

when I became an acolyte my parents looked

so proud to have a godly daughter and

Pastor Cindy asked me “don’t you feel closer

to God?” and I responded “yes” and laughed

while I thought about how if I sinned

I’d go to Hell and how girls really aren’t that cute

I can ignore them

our church leader Father Shelby divorced his

wife and the elderly women talked and talked

among themselves over coffee and Bible

verses, some people left

the first girl I ever had feelings for was named

Katie, she had pale skin, almost translucent with

tiny freckles covering her cheeks and light blonde

hair “she looks just like an angel” I was seven

and when I got mono the next year she brought

me a plush teddy bear kneeling down praying

and told me to “get well soon”

the only times I ever pray are when I am

close to death

so why am I praying