All the musicians and audio engineers out there know the pain of gear envy. No matter how sick your rig is, there’s always something newer, more legit, or more expensive that you don’t have. While I’ve been lucky to have worked with some awesome tape machines, mixing boards, and other ‘legit’ gear this year, it’s always the weird, improvised or ‘messed-up’ sounds that stick with me the most from the music I make or the music I listen to. Here are some no-budget noisy toys I used this year that might get your own creative juices flowing.
Expo ‘Vis-A-Vis’ wet-erase markers: I discovered these while working a closing shift at 1369 Coffee House in Inman Square. I had an Explode Into Colors record on the stereo, and I found myself tapping along with one of these. Turns out they make a really crisp, clear woodblock-y sound when you hit the end of the cap against yr average wooden countertop. Really advanced pen-drummers should try taking the cap off and drumming with it and the back of the pen for some sick polyrhythms.
Schoenhut toy piano: I found one of these curbside on Dimick Street at the start of the year. The keys are so loud that it’s basically a percussion instrument, and the black keys don’t play the right notes (if they make any noise at all). Once you get used to all that, though, it makes a pretty cool sound, like a more musical cash register. Check it out on my bro Living Large’s song “Can’t Stop Fucking Up” off his album Parkway South, Shore Points: https://livinglarge.bandcamp.com/track/cant-stop-fucking-up
Electro-Harmonix Micro Synth pedal: The Wrens are basically my all-time favorite band for any number of reasons—the songs, the inspiring underdog story of their career, the fact they’re from the same corner of northern Jersey as me, those fucking songs—but as an audio engineer I especially admire how they were able to create the epic widescreen mixes on Silver and The Meadowlands all from a basement studio. This year, I got my hands on one of the keystones of their sound, a Micro Synth pedal that lets you mangle dying-printer wails, endless wah-wah sweeps, and tape-damaged crunch out of otherwise beautiful guitar tones. I try to fit it in somewhere on every record I work on, and it’s versatile enough to not sound out of place on any of them.
B. Meowsic Cat Piano: I like to think I did some frazzled parent a favor by buying this up, since in the hands of your typical rambunctious kid this thing would drive even the most patient adult up a wall. A cheapo Cheshire Cat-shaped keyboard (the keys are the cat’s teeth!), it’s only capable of a few sounds, including a hilariously fake banjo and a couple kinds of meowing sounds, but that’s enough for it to be a seriously fun piece of gear in the wrong hands.
The Audio-Technica PRO 44 boundary mic: When I’m not recording bands, I’m often recording lectures and panel discussions at any of the many universities around these parts, and I got familiar with these little conference-table mics in that context. It turns out that they make excellent room mics, too, not least because unlike other mics you can easily tape ‘em to any surface—walls, floors, ceilings, the inside of the bathroom door—where you can pick up some really unique drum tones and more. Plus, you never know when you might need one for some big-money Skype conference call.
Casiotone 701: I found this joker curbside in a Jersey suburb, its imitation-wood paneling the same color as the inside of a 1970s rec room. Every no-budget keyboard has at least one great sound hiding in it, and this one’s is a voicing called ‘Funky’—a crystal-clear bell tone that cuts through mixes better than one of the laser beam sounds from the keyboards SFX panel. Appropriately enough, I got a lot of use out of it on some tracks on my indie-funk band Dr. Fidelity’s upcoming records. https://doctorfidelity.bandcamp.com/
Tuned bells: I’ll end on a simple note. I got a simple set of bells in a C major scale, and they’ve gotten way more use than I’d ever expected. Probably my favorite use of them this year was the naive melody after the choruses of “Dogs w/o Angst,” the steamrolling, cathartic centerpiece of NYC rockers Dicktations’ epic final album Super Paradise: https://dicktations.bandcamp.com/track/dogs-w-o-angst
