Masters of the Universe (1987) dir. Gary Goddard


Masters of the Universe is an abhorrent movie. Poorly plotted, acted, and conceived on every level. It even commits the most egregious sin a fantasy story can take — the old “Here’s a cool alien world!. OK, now let’s transport these characters to Earth where and make them hang with boring teens!”

However, the movie is a complete blast. All thanks to one little rapscallion, that sly dog Gwildor.

Gwildor is a dwarf-like Thenurian — and a ripe one at that! — who is a great locksmith and inventor. He is a lovable oaf and crafter of Masters of the Universe‘s MacGuffin: THE COSMIC KEY. This is a magical musical instrument which can teleport users across realms of space and time.

I know. It’s a lot to swallow. But I ask you: Does that matter? Does anything matter when you have a character as good as Gwildor on your hands? Gwildor is simultaneously the Falstaff, the BB-8, and the Yoda of Masters of the Universe. A combination of archetypal traits that really must be seen to be believed. I would watch literally anything if Gwildor was in it. Even Amazon’s new series, Sneaky Pete.

Trust me. You will have a blast at this movie if you give yourself to Gwildor. Everything else will fall to the wayside.

It will no longer matter that super-genius Dolph Lundgren is playing He-Man. Nor will you care that Frank Langella is gosh-danged Skeletor!


All Will Be Gwildor. All Will Be Good.

In lieu of a trailer here is something much more important:

Masters of the Universe
dir. Gary Goddard
106 mins

Screens Friday, 6/30 at 11:59 pm @ Coolidge Corner Theatre. Part of the Coolidge’s After Midnite series.

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